i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
