Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you traded sex for a burrito?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
