Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
