i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
