What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't turn off my feet"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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