shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
