The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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