I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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