My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
