you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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