I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
