At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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