Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
