census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
