I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
