I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
