i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
