I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
