Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
