i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
