I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think my vagina is haunted
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
