I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
