we're chasing vodka with high fives
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
