Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
