He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
