And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
