she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
