I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
