My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What a dumb baby whore.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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