You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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