I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
