i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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