this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
