just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
