So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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