I didn't shave. On purpose
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
