SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We are all done wearing pants today
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
