I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
