Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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