You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
