Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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