Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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