Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can text with my tongue
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
