you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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