I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
