Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
