I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
