I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
