I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
