I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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