i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
