so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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