I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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