a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
