If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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