i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
