i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
