Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
