I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
