As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
