He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
