dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
